The day had come for Ross to start a new day program for adults with disabilities. Finding the perfect fit for Ross was number one on our list of criteria in our new community. His day will be spent in both the work program and the educational class. He laughed and giggled all the way to the facility, which gave me comfort. I made sure he was settled and ready for his day. He looked at me and told me to “Go that way,” a clear sign he was ready for me to leave. I turned around and walked out of the building alone.
I sat still in the car, frozen. I was lost and didn’t know what I was going to do next. The tears began to well up in my eyes, then flowed down my cheeks. The months of paperwork, meetings, and phone calls were over. This was the moment we had all been working towards and I didn’t know what to do next! The memories of the last several months started filling my head. Packing up the home where we raised our boys. Where we all learned and grew together. Saying goodbye to friends, family and the community that had been so good to us. Taking a leap of faith and moving to a new state and community and starting over. It all came rushing in.
I’m sure Greg was expecting a call from me, and I did not disappoint. “You knew this was going to happen. Relax, you’ll be fine.”
I gave myself a few minutes and had a good cry. The lyrics from Stevie Nicks ‘Landslide’ began running through my head. “Can I sail through the changin’ ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life? Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’, cause I’ve built my life around you. But time makes you bolder, even children get older, I’m getting older too.”
I knew darn well what I was going to do next and that I had plenty to do. There were many new activities and projects I have kept tucked away for a day just like today. The last several months have also been a time for calm, reflection and looking to the future. Those who know me, recognize that relaxing and taking time for myself is not something I do very easily. Acknowledging how extremely grateful I am for this time I have been given, and that I can most definitely handle the “changin’ tides”, I put the keys in the car and moved forward.
My vision of a great morning was right in front of me and I was all in. Yoga, followed by a neighborhood coffee shop and a composition book. I ordered a Dirty Chai Latte. Why? I’d never had one and actually didn’t know what it was. The perfect day to try something new, I thought. I probably didn’t need the ‘dirty’ part…a shot of espresso! Lesson learned. I enjoyed the remainder of my time writing and beginning to ‘feel’ the Gentle Yoga class I had taken earlier.
I must admit that the tears popped up a few more times throughout the day, but when I picked up Ross, he greeted me with the biggest smile and an extra-loud giggle. Later in the evening, we received a new picture of our sweet granddaughter. The day that had started out extremely rough, turned out to be a beautifully blessed day. I indeed have much for which to be thankful and I am looking forward to all the adventures life has for me and my family.
This touched my heart sweetie! I could feel your every emotion as you walked away from your son that day. It makes me feel so happy for you & just once again demonstrates what a fantastic job you & Greg have done in meeting Ross’ needs throughout these many years. Bless you!💕
Marla, love these blog posts, when I can see them. Can’t imagine all the changes, you guys have had these past few months. Love hearing how Ross has rolled through them, and your words reflecting his reactions and peace. ♥️Miss you guys but know how important being closer to grands is!!
Thank you, Mary. There have been a lot of changes and I still shake my head and say to myself, “Did we really just do that?” We are all thrilled to be closer to Clint and his family. Much nicer hoping in the car for a few hours rather than 3 plane tickets!! Thanks again and I miss you too!!
Totally enjoy your posts and look forward to reading more. Change is hard.. but rewarding also ! Happy you are where you are in this season of life.
Thank you for your kind words, Nancy. We are very thankful that Ross has handled the move so well. He loves to travel…thank goodness!!
I love reading your words! You have a beautiful perspective on life and it’s lovely to read about you all! (& That coffee looks delicious 😊)
Thank you, Lauren! The coffee was wonderful!! I’m trying not to make it a daily habit…haha!!
Thank you for sharing this. Each step is a new beginning for all of you. 😘
It is, Shirley! Exciting and not so scary anymore! Thank you!
Marla – thank you for sharing your journey. I’m so happy to hear that the day went well for Ross in his new chapter and pray that it continues to go well for all of you. Praying for many blessings to come your way.
Thank you, Melody. Ross really loves his new program and that he has a calendar! Haha! I miss you all!!
First one of your Blogs that I’ve read….wow …. you write just like you talk and I loved it! So happy for you 3 & just makes me so happy for Ross❤️
Thank you so much, Denise! It certainly makes us happy when Ross is 😉 You and Jeff will have to add us to one of your travel plans!! Thanks again for your kind words!
Wonderful! Mikes and calm- a good day all around! Everything takes time. Easier said than done, I know. Milestones for us- 6 months, 1 year….and remembering to smell the roses along the way. Sounds like you are doing that. Enjoy the freedom and rawness of the newness and not being tied down, which will also come in time…
Slowly but surely, I’m learning 😉
Thank you for your kind words.
I love this blog~it’s so honest and relatable for all mom’s. Through your eyes, I am reminded that life is perfectly imperfect and constantly in motion. I am also reassured that, as a parent, I/we do what we can and that is enough.
So, so happy for Ross to be finding his way and happiness in this new adventure!
Blessings abound!
Thank you so much, Shelly. Parenting is the hardest job there is, with or without a disability. Knowing that you are molding a human is quite overwhelming, but at the same time the most rewarding experience on earth. So many times, at the end of the day, I had to remind myself that I did the best I could in that moment.
Blessings to you my friend as you begin a new journey as ‘Grandma’!! Give Courtney a hug from me!! She’s going to be a wonderful mom!!
Love reading all about your new experiences. Keep writing about your new adventures that you face so positively. I always wondered what a dirty chai latte was – now I know!!!!!
Go, Ross!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you, Linda. We are certainly having many adventures. We are enjoying exploring the high desert area where we live. Greg especially is enjoying the area, as it reminds him of all the western shows he loves 😉
You really have done an amazing job raising your boys. I’m so in awe of your bravery, resilience and tenacity!! I love reading your posts, and I just wish I could give you a big hug right now!!! Thanks, and please keep ’em coming!!!!
Thank you so much, Kathy. You have been a great sounding board and a blessing to me throughout the years. Not to worry, I can feel your hug across the miles. Love you!
Marla, so happy all went even better then planned. Wish I had your courage! I have days that don’t go good at all. Since Lynn died there is no outside help, and I can’t get a break from it! There are days I could scream!!! Angela has a lot of OCD and just trying to get her out of the house is near impossible. Miss seeing you occasionally! Angela ask about Ross all the time. Love to you and the family!
So nice to hear from you and thank you for your kind words. Sorry to hear about your struggles. Have you looked into respite care? We did not utilize it in Taylorville, but we are looking into the program here. Tell Angie hello from us!!
Sending hugs…Take care!